i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
