Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
