Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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