I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
