Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
