The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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