Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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