we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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