my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this boner is exhausting
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
