I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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