I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No subtext here. People are naked.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
