There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
