I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
