If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
