I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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