I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ass is underappreciated
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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