And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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