I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
