I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
