In the future we'll all be gay
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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