help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
