My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
