I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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