You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
