Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
