Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
