So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
