I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
