I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
