He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
