He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
