We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
