Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
