Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
