i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
