i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my liver is dry heaving
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
