help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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