then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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