I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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