just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
