would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So squirting runs in the family.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
