Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
