Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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