mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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