god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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