Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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