She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
