Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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