Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
