It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
