why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
