if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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