So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
