So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
