I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
