Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize