How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
