turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Panties = found
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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