Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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