I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
