I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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