There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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