have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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